British aid worker Helen Johnston was rescued along with a Kenyan aid worker and two Afghan aid workers, who were abducted in May, British Foreign Office confirmed on Saturday.
The life sentence for Egypt's former President Hosni Mubarak, which was issued by the New Cairo criminal court Saturday, left Egyptian expatriates in Dubai divided over the degree of punishment and their country's future, Xinhua learnt in a quick survey.
Most children are egocentric, more so in these modern times. There are ways to get them to see the world beyond themselves.
YOU often hear parents complaining about how today’s children are not as obedient, thoughtful and polite as those of previous generations.
This is especially true in Generation Y and Z kids, who are also known as “Generation Me”. Generation Y and Z includes those born in the digital age and who have been familiar with using smartphones, the Internet and digital gadgets from a young age. There are varying opinions on when exactly the generation began. Some say those born in the 1980s onwards while others point to the 1990s or even the noughties.
Gen Y and Z children have a greater sense of entitlement, demand for instant gratification and generally disregard others’ needs. In simpler terms, they appear to be more selfish than kids in generations before them. It used to be family first, community’s interests, and country’s pride. Now, it is “me” first.
Get this: The GoGetter — Land & Water puzzle will be yours if you come up with the best story on ‘Games/puzzles my kids love to play’ for June.
With all manner of advertising being thrown at us these days, it is not surprising that children don’t always know how to separate wants and needs. They seem to think they need a lot of things, with some even believing they have the right to demand for materialistic possessions. Parents who overindulge their children will give them the impression that they are entitled to these luxuries.
If a child is selfish in nature, he or she will not know how to care for others and this will eventually lead to social and relationship problems.
ParenThots shares some methods to ensure your child sees the world beyond himself or herself.
Book reviews
Geronimo Stiltonis the Famous Five of the 21st century. The comforting news is that the English in the book series is sound, the stories set in various countries offer lessons in Geography and culture, and at least your kids are reading! Definitely recommended.
Childhood Allergies is written simply so that parents can get a clear idea of what allergies are about and what symptoms to look out for.
Bully stories
There are quite a few bully stories this week, including one from a man in his 60s who says he still can’t forget what happened when he was six years old as well as a letter to bullies from a former victim.
The voting for the best bully stories ends tomorrow. So, do click on Like at the end of the story or on the post about your favourite bully story on the ParenThots Facebook page (facebook.com/parenthots).
This is the last week to win a netbook computer for your dad through the Dad Deserves An Asus contest. Just log in using your Mystar ID, answer the three objective questions and complete the sentence: “Dad needs an Asus netbook because …”
You can enter to win for your husband, father or even yourself (if you are a father). The prize should go to a father. We will check!
The contest closes June 3.
Win a puzzle
If your child loves puzzles and games, you will want to know about the Win A Puzzle promotion. Just write in about the topic of the month (the topic changes every month) and you stand a chance to win a puzzle. There is only one puzzle to be won every month. The puzzles are sponsored by educational toys company BRAINet.
For June, the title to write on is “Games/puzzles my kids love to play” and the word limit is 700. The prize for June is the GoGetter – Land & Water.
The last day to send in entries is June 20. Go to ParenThots for more details.
Starting today, StarBizWeek features a column on personal finance called Money & You, which will focus on money matters as they relate to YOU. Our two writers will take turns every fortnight to shed light on personal finance matters.
■ Yap Ming Hui is an independent financial advisor and author of five best-selling books on personal finance. He is the managing director of Whitman Independent Advisors, an independent financial advisory firm licensed by Securities Commission and Bank Negara Malaysia. Since 2000, Yap and his team of licensed independent financial advisors have successfully helped numerous clients achieve financial freedom. Yap believes that all Malaysians can fully optimise their wealth using a holistic wealth management approach
■ Carol Yip, founder of Abacus For Money, believes that if people understand their money mindset, behaviour and money psychology, they can be financially happy and successful. She actively promotes financial literacy and intelligence within families and for women, youths and retirees.
MONEY & YOU By CAROL YIP
WOMEN in Asia are building and inheriting more wealth than ever before. According to Boston Consulting Group (BSG) 2010 report, the percentage of wealth controlled by women in Asia (ex Japan) is rising nearing 30% annually and total wealth controlled by women reached RM2.8 trillion in 2010. Their heightened visibility in financial circles can be traced to more women achieving success in the workforce and a greater number of women actively managing family finances. Kim Sung-Joo recently made her debut on the inaugural Forbes list of Asia’s Power Businesswomen in celebration of International Women’s Day recently. She is the youngest daughter of an energy conglomerate tycoon in South Korea and created her wealth from luxury fashion.
The increasing number of wealthy women is also partly because they are inheriting wealth due to their longevity. Puan Sri Lee Kim Hua, 81, widow of the late casino magnate Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong, is one of the 40 richest Malaysians on the 2012 Forbes Asia list.
Without a doubt, Asian women are creating significant financial visibility. But are bankers and wealth advisors paying sufficient attention to this alluring segment of the market?
Women of wealth
Based on research conducted in 2011 by the Family Wealth Advisors Council, a network of US-based, independent fee-only wealth management firms, the financial services industry has a long way to go if it wishes to provide the kind of service wealthy women say they want. The title of the study of high net-worth American women says it all: “Women of Wealth: Why Does the Financial Services Industry Still Not Hear Them?”
Involving 551 women across the United States with a net worth of US$1mil or more, the study collected survey questionnaire data across marital status, employment status, age and net worth. The research looked at what worries wealthy women:
About 86% of working women surveyed consider obsolete careers and eroding earning power as risks to their financial success;
Married women believe health challenges present a greater risk to their financial security than the death of a spouse;
About 96% of women want their unique circumstances and their entire life picture understood by their financial advisor;
About 80% of women (either married or divorced) believe that they will be called on at some point to help one or more of their children in a crisis;
About 81% of retirees see a potential decline in the economy as a major risk, versus 45% of full-time working women; and
About 57% of married women feel that divorce poses a significant risk to their financial well-being.
With women’s economic clout in the workplace and purchasing power in all consumer and commercial markets increasing, their dissatisfaction with the financial services industry is also growing. The study clearly showed that women do not like to be considered a monolithic group, but want services tailored to their specific circumstances. Evidence suggests that wealthy women in Asia Pacific are also having similar experiences.
Different women different needs
As more women call the shots on money, they also want their wealth advisors to do a better job of meeting their needs. They want the same attention, advice, terms and deals that men get with advisers who provide investment recommendations. But, at the same time, women want advisors to tailor services to them because they have very different needs and expectations than men.
In the BSG survey, women said advisors tend to assume they have a lower risk tolerance than men, so advisors provide only a narrow range of investment alternatives. Some women claimed that advisors for women are too quick to focus on strategies that don’t emphasise on performance, assuming that women are more inclined to make investment decisions based on social issues. With these and other study insights, wealth advisors who service female clients should foremostly recognise that women want to be treated differently. Some suggestions come from the findings:
Women want to be understood as unique individuals. They want an advisor who listens to their needs and is trustworthy. A fiduciary advisor who knows how to create strategic investment allocations based on a women’s situation, goals and risk appetite will stand a better chance of securing their business.
Women are looking for advisors who can provide advance planning, relationship management and investment advice a one-stop boutique financial centre.
The wealth advisor’s gender plays an important part of the financial planning process for wealthy ladies. Female wealth advisors will be able to relate better to their situations and challenges than men.
Women’s investment attitude
It’s no surprise that women’s behaviour as earners, investors and savers is the subject of a large and growing body of behavioural economic research, which has yielded important findings. Women prefer to focus on long-term investment goals and seek holistic advice. When women invest, they tend to look for informed advice and better rate of return than men. Women can be too conservative in their approach, especially given the fact that they tend to live longer than men. Ultimately, from the way they seek financial information and advice, to their understanding of the long term, women’s financial behaviour holds crucial lessons for all financial advisors.
Women may also tend to limit their trading far more than men do. They prioritise by protecting principal rather than taking risks to grow their assets. A study by the University of Michigan’s Retirement Research Center finds that men frequently and unnecessarily trade their holdings. All other things being equal, the male participants trade 56% more than their female counterparts, and the more they trade, the worse their performance becomes “a result of a too-rosy estimation of their own investment skills,” the researchers write.
The landmark study on gender differences in stock investing also finds that men tend to sell too early, or to swap assets for new ones that underperformed what they havve sold. By contrast, women are more inclined to take the long-term view and understand that performance in many cases are best measured over time.
Huge potential
Women’s financial behaviour and preferences across varied situations show major differences from men’s. Women’s financial strengths are significant. So are their challenges.
The provision of tailored wealth management services for wealthy women is much needed. There is a unique opportunity for the financial services industry to design investment, insurance, trust and estate planning products and services that better address women’s needs, psychological preferences, life values and different life stages.
Wealth is a “means of life planning rather than a goal in itself” for women. The one-size-fits-all concept is no longer appropriate. Customised fitting is always the preferred choice to make wealthy female clients happy. Wealthy female clients will be loyal customers when wealth advisors deliver the results they want. A long-term trusting client-advisor relationship will be the result.
It’s time to wake up and break the barriers, a hopeful daughter says.
THERE is a man who stays under the same roof as me. He is not tall nor handsome, and not that strong. He is in his mid-50s and jobless. That is what I worry about the most. I don’t frown or show signs of worry on my face, but inside, worries fill my heart.
He thinks that he is old, but to me, he is a young man. His leg aches and he cannot walk far.
In his mind, old age and the pain in his leg are reasons why he cannot get a job. But he is wrong. I used to agree what he says, but now I don’t and never will.
You can see old men with wrinkles on their forehead and white hair filling their entire head cleaning tables in coffee shops. There are old men who sit on those big chairs with their legs crossed in their own companies or shops.
Some middle-aged men still read books in public. People who have lost their limbs are learning skills to earn money on their own.
They never give up. They never think that they are unlucky to be born into this world.
When I watch him lying on a wooden chair, I feel a sudden pain in my heart. Why is he not doing anything? Can’t he find something to do? Search for a job, perhaps?
I know it is not easy to get a job. But if he makes an effort to look, he will surely get one someday.
Does he do that? Nope. He just sits on a chair, clicks the mouse and keeps an eye on the share market. Sometimes, he goes to the cinema for a movie.
Wake up, man! You can earn some money through the share market but NOT permanently.
You think the profit you get from there is your salary? No, it’s not! It might be enough for you to survive on. What about us, your family? You’re the man of the house. We count on you.
Now I’m afraid to count on anyone. He has no earnings. Mum does all the work and I don’t want to give her pressure. She has to work hard in the office. When she comes home, she does all the chores.
Whenever I take my tuition fees from her, I feel a sense of guilt. I feel as if I’m “eating up” her years of effort within seconds. Whenever she hands me my pocket money, I’ll thrust it into my wallet and never take it out.
Nowadays, I’m “afraid” to use money. I want to save as much money as possible. After my SPM, I want to get a part-time job and earn money for my parents. The weight on mum’s shoulders is getting heavier because my sister and I need money for our studies. I will study hard and get a scholarship. In fact, it is a must that I do. There is no way mum can afford all the expenses.
What about him? Worse. I’m not insulting him. It’s a fact. How can we afford to pay for thing when there is no income? Forget about those things I love – shoes, dessert, handbags, novels and clothes. Just focus on studies …
Why does he give up? I don’t get it. People are fighting for their life. No matter how difficult things are, they still break the wall and move on. Why does he let the barriers stop him?
Nothing is impossible – just aim for it.
I know he can do it. Just don’t give up. Think positively and good things will come. There will be an opportunity. Don’t let it go; don’t run away when it approaches. Chances will always be there.
Dad, it’s time to wake up and look around you. There’s a family to support. We support you, always. We will never let you fall. W’ll grab your hand before you hit the ground and pray for you.
You’re a great dad. Don’t disappoint us, just be a hero in our heart. Make us proud, make us happy. I give you my hand, let us all be together.
PS: Be wise and be a good listener.
> Parents and their children at any age can have different points of view over just about everything. Or do they? We invite parents and children to write in to show us where the generation gap closes and widens. E-mail us at star2.gap@thestar.com.my.
Three brothers are engaged in pitched battle over their mother’s living situation. Mom is severely demented and can’t care for herself independently. She had long term care insurance, but she has almost exhausted that benefit. Her only remaining asset is her home. She needs full time care.
The eldest brother, James, seized power over her finances from the middle brother, Paul. He got mom to appoint him the power of attorney and the agent on the healthcare directive, and displaced Paul, who had always been on both documents . Mom wasn’t competent to sign anything when she did, but James didn’t seem to care. That infuriated Paul. Little brother Joe is somewhat passive, but sides with Paul.
The three never got along very well, even as kids. There was a lot of arguing and their communication did not improve as they grew up. They largely avoided one another. Until now.
James decided, without communicating with either of his brothers, to move mom to an assisted living facility that takes care of people with dementia. She would have her own room. It would be in her neighborhood. Her house would be sold to pay for it. A deposit was paid.
When Paul heard of this, he became enraged, told Joe and they both threatened to sue James. In response, James found a lawyer and began guardianship proceedings. There is no money in mom’s checking account to pay the lawyer, so James promised the attorney that she could get paid when the house was sold. It’s a nice home.
Mom’s long time estate attorney suggested mediation. She urged the siblings to stop upsetting their mom and each other by using a neutral person to help them try to reach some agreements. This sounds like a good solution, doesn’t it? They could meet with the mediator, and see if they could figure out a way to be more civil to each other around the move for mom. They definitely needed help to work toward a less aggravating future for each other caring for their mom.
James refused to go to mediation.
The guardianship proceeds apace. Thousands of dollars will be needlessly wasted on the litigation, James against Paul and Joe. The brothers will become ever more acrimonious and the story will not end well during mom’s final days.
As a mediator for families in conflict, I can only say that this story keeps repeating itself in different forms. It’s frustrating for me, as I know that in most instances, mediation of family conflicts about elders can really help and it is quite often successful. The hard thing to understand is why wouldn’t the Jameses of the world want to give it a try? Is it the power they yield? Is it control over their siblings via legal documents and court cases?
Certainly, the cost of mediation can’t be the reason to refuse it. It is far, far less expensive than just about any court proceeding. If siblings are scattered, as in James, Paul and Joe’s case, mediation can even be done over the phone. You can’t make anyone do it though. It’s voluntary.
A factor at play is James’s attorney’s motive in handling the guardianship proceedings. Lots of money is at stake if the litigation keeps going. She can rake it in when that house sells. If she agrees to go to mediation with Paul, and the siblings settle their differences, there goes her paycheck. If you don’t think some lawyers want to keep conflict alive and churning for their own selfish sakes, think again.
It is a dignified way to resolve your differences without a court. No one judges you. You work it out as you choose, not how anyone else tells you to do it.
After my 27 years as a litigator, I can tell you firsthand that in so many instances, no one feels very satisfied when you’re done with litigation.
Some of us call ourselves “elder mediators”. We work in this arena of warring families and parents. It’s not therapy. It’s short term problem solving. I encourage those who are feeling the heartbreak of scenes like the one above to find a mediator and get going. There is hope, even when it seems impossible. You can make it better.
Partner’s Efforts at Improving Your Relationship Should Not Be Ignored
ScienceDaily (Feb. 13, 2012) — If the one you love usually forgets Valentine’s Day, but this year makes a romantic effort, you should give him credit for trying. enlarge
A new Northwestern University study shows that the more you believe your partner is capable of change and perceive that he or she is trying to improve, the more secure and happy you will feel in your relationship. That is true even if you think your partner could still do more to be a better partner.
“Many of us tend to under appreciate our partner’s efforts to improve the relationship, simply because we do not have enough faith in those attempts,” said Chin Ming Hui, the lead author of the study and a fourth-year graduate student in the department of psychology at Northwestern University’s Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences. “When we see those efforts in a positive light, we can enjoy our relationship much more.”
In this study, romantic couples were separated and asked to rate how much their partner was trying to improve his or her relationship-oriented characteristics, such as patience, understanding and being a good listener.
Three months later, the same couples were asked to rate their partner’s current standing on these relationship-oriented characteristics and their overall feelings about the relationship. The results of the study showed that the more you think your partner is incapable of changing, the more your partner’s sincere efforts fail to improve the relationship.
“If you don’t believe that your partner is capable of changing his or her fundamental characteristics, even when he or she is working hard to try to improve your relationship, you can actually end up discounting these efforts,” said Daniel C. Molden, senior author of the study and an associate professor of psychology at Northwestern.
The good news for those who are skeptical of a partner’s ability to change: with self-awareness and effort, you can convince yourself that your partner’s effort does matter and that your relationship can improve.
“A secret to building a happy relationship is to embrace the idea that your partner can change, to give him or her credit for making these types of efforts and to resist blaming him or her for not trying hard enough all of the time,” Molden said.
This study was published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, January 2012 and was also conducted by Michael Harris Bond, professor of psychology at Polytechnic University of Hong Kong.
BUTTERWORTH: The man accused of shackling his children in a bathroom is not as cruel as he had been made out to be, according to his neighbours and police.
Breaking free: The chains on the girl’s leg being removed at the house in Jalan Raja Uda. — GARY CHEN / The Star
“Their relationship is very close.
“The children would give their father a goodbye kiss whenever he leaves the house,” said a neighbour, known only as Lee.
Lee said the man had been under much stress since his Thai wife left home about a month ago.
Another neighbour, who wished to be known only as Gan, said the father was a friendly man and he seldom scolded his children.
“I am not sure why he decided to chain the kids, but I guess he was at wit’s end on how to take care of them,” said Gan, who runs a plastics shop next to the double-storey shoplot in Taman Mawar on Jalan Raja Uda where the family stays.
The two children, aged two and six, had been chained inside the bathroom of their home on Wednesday.
Authorities broke into the place after being alerted by neighbours who heard them crying.
Their father has been detained while the children have been warded at the Seberang Jaya Hospital.
Gan said the children were usually left in the one-bedroom home on the first floor when the father went out to deliver goods to customers from 3pm to 10pm.
“He is very busy as he runs a shop on the ground floor while his children live upstairs,” he said.
Asked about the children’s behaviour, Gan said the two-year-old boy was naughty and had thrown toys and chairs out from the balcony.
Another neighbour, Soy, said that she would give the children some bread when she heard their cries.
Penang police chief Deputy Comm Datuk Wira Ayub Yaakob said the community must play its role and help the family instead of blaming the man for his action.
“We must not just look at the case from the criminal aspect.
“Obviously, he was under a lot of stress and he needs help and support from the community at this point,” he said yesterday.
Meanwhile, Raymond Tan, the uncle of the two siblings, has stepped in to take temporary custody of the two children.
The North Seberang Prai district Welfare Department will apply for a court order to grant temporary custody to Tan, pending the outcome of investigations into the case.
Penang Health, Welfare, Caring Society and Environment Committee chairman Phee Boon Poh said Tan had agreed to temporarily care for his nephew and niece, and they would live with his family at his home in Bayan Baru.
He said Tan told him that the children’s father had expressed remorse but explained that he had no choice as his son was hyperactive.
“Sometimes, the child would throw things around at his home and the father decided to chain him as he was afraid that his son might run out of the house,” said Phee, who visited them at the hospital.
Both the children were in good health.
Tan said his 40-year-old brother worked as a chemical supplier and that he was a caring man who loved his children.
“My brother has never done such a thing before and I was shocked over the incident.”
Tan said his Thai sister-in-law, who is said to be two months’ pregnant, had gone backto her hometown in Bangkok to visit her family.- The Star
Kids home alone and chained
By M. SIVANANTHA SHARMA, KOW KWAN YEE and FONG KEE SOON north@thestar.com.my
BUTTERWORTH: Two children, aged two and six, were left home alone for hours and worse, they were chained in the bathroom.
Their father, a despatcher in his 40s, left them chained in their house in Jalan Raja Uda, apparently for “being naughty”.
The girl and her younger brother were left without food for about four hours before they were finally rescued on Wednesday.
Sorry state: The two-year-old chained near a toilet bowl in the bathroom of the house in Jalan Raja Uda.>>
North Seberang Prai OCPD Asst Comm Zulkifli Alias said neighbours who heard the children’s cries called a volunteer patrol team, who then alerted the police and Welfare Department.
“The authorities broke into the house through the front door and freed the children,” he said.
When met at the Seberang Jaya Hospital where they were admitted to, the six-year-old girl said: “I was scared and hungry so my brother and I began shouting for our father.”
When asked whether she or her brother was in pain, she said no.
The girl, however, seemed unable to answer when asked whether they had been chained previously.
She said there had been no visits from relatives since they were sent to the hospital.
ACP Zulkifli said the father claimed that the children were naughty, so he chained them and left them without food as punishment.
He also told police that his wife left home about a month ago.
Police picked up a man at a shophouse in Taman Mawar shortly after the children were rescued at about 8.40pm. He has been remanded for four days.
“Initial investigations revealed that the children were chained before he left for work at about 3pm,” ACP Zulkifli said at the district police headquarters in Bertam, Kepala Batas, yesterday.
A neighbour, who works as a mechanic, said he heard the crying while he was at his workshop, which was next to the shoplot near Jalan Raja Uda where the children live.
“I heard them crying at around 2pm on Wednesday. I did not think much of it as I thought the kids were just quarrelling,” said the neighbour who declined to be named.
“So I was shocked to see Rela members at the house around 8.45pm. I only realised the kids were chained when some of them showed me the photographs,” he said.
He said he often heard the children crying since his car workshop opened for business about a month ago.
A Chinese vernacular newspaper in its evening edition quoted the father as saying that he was forced to chain his children because they would dirty the house if they were left unattended.
Penang Health, Welfare, Caring Society and Environment Committee chairman Phee Boon Poh said the children would be placed under the custody of the Welfare Department for now.
Founder: A man can have simultaneous, spiritual sex with wives in separate locations. Sex is the main reason people get married. The climax is like heaven on earth- Hatijah
PETALING JAYA: The Obedient Wives Club (OWC) stirred up fresh controversy when its founder claimed that spiritually, a man can have sex with all his wives simultaneously.
Club founder Hatijah Aam, who is also the author of the controversial book Seks Islam Perangi Yahudi Untuk Kembalikan Seks Islam Kepada Dunia (Sex in Islam Wage War Against Jews To Return Islamic Sex To The World), said that when a man reached the highest spiritual level, “he can appear in multiple apparitions and have sex with his wives even though they are in separate locations”.
“We never said that a man can have an orgy with all his wives on the same bed.
“That is not allowed.
“What we meant is when a man has reached the highest spiritual level, he will be granted the ability to have sex with his wives spiritually,” she said.
“This is how men who were at war in the past satisfied their needs,” she said at a press conference here yesterday from Mecca, Saudi Arabia, via Skype.
The club is going ahead with the global launch of the controversial sex guide despite protests from women’s groups.
Hatijah said the book would soon be launched globally in countries where OWCs have already been set up, including Singapore, Indonesia, Australia, Egypt, Syria, Jordan, Britain and France.
However, the club does not intend to launch the book in Malaysia.
“The book was meant to be circulated among our members only.
“We knew that the public’s reaction to the book would be negative because they do not understand the concept,” said Hatijah, who is also the wife of late Al-Arqam founder Ashaari Muhammad.
Women’s groups like Sisters in Islam, All Women’s Action Society and the Women’s Aid Organisation described the book as a cheap publicity stunt designed to raise the profile of the club.
Hatijah defended the importance of the detailed sex guide on grounds that sex is God’s gift to married couples and they should be educated on the ways to approach it.
“Sex is the main reason people get married. And in a way, the climax is like heaven on earth,” said Hatijah.
She also explained that like praying, sex between married couples was also a pious act.
“So, why can’t we teach people how to do that in a pure way?” she asked.
(The Star)
Taking sex to the PhD-level?
One Man’s Meat
By PHILIP GOLINGAI
The Obedient Wives Club wanted to keep it under the covers but since it leaked out, interest for its sex-guide book has yet to reach a climax.
FRIDAY’S press conference by the Obedient Wives Club (OWC) reminded me of Salt-n-Pepa’s 1991 hit song Let’s Talk About Sex.
The hip-hop song goes: “Let’s talk about sex. Yo, I don’t think we should talk about this. C’mon, why not? People might misunderstand what we’re tryin’ to say, you know? No, but that’s a part of life.”
That about sums up the exasperation of the club embroiled in a controversy after it published a pocket-sized 115-page Malay-language book titled Seks Islam, Perangi Yahudi Untuk Kembalikan Seks Islam Kepada Dunia (Islamic Sex, Fighting Jews to Return Islamic Sex to the World).
Embroiled in controversy: The sex guide which was published by OWC.
To clarify media reports that the book encouraged a man to have an orgy with all of his wives, five OWC officials (including two men) met the press.
At the start of the 90-minute press conference in Petaling Jaya, OWC national chairman in Malaysia Fauziah Ariffin read a statement from Hatijah Aam, the club founder.
Hatijah, one of the wives of the late Al-Arqam founder Ashaari Muhammad, said the sex guide was only for OWC members who were married.
“We are disappointed with those who distributed the book without our knowledge until it created a misunderstanding,” she said.
Fauziah then tackled the controversial issue of “seks serentak (simultaneous sex)”.
“Simultaneous does not mean that on the bed there is one man and four women,” she said with a sarcastic laugh.
“When a man has reached a high level of spirituality, his wali (spiritual guardian) can come in contact with his wives wherever they are.
“Maybe one wife is in Ipoh, another in Kuala Lumpur, in Singapore or in Johor but he can ‘come’ to his wife simultaneously. That is the wonder of spiritual sex.”
Wow! I thought. Note to myself: evolve from missionary position. But was “spiritual sex” possible, I wondered.
As if reading my thoughts, Dr Azlina Jamaluddin, a dentist and OWC leader, said it was not something a common person could comprehend.
“To you there might be no logic to what we are saying,” Dr Azlina explained. “But when Prophet Noah built an ark on a mountain at that time there was no logic in what he was doing.”
Mohd Rasidi, a male member of the panel, claimed what was taught in the book was “high level” sex. “It is PhD-level,” he said.
“To understand the book,” said Fauziah, “the author of the book herself wants to talk to the media via Skype from Mecca.”
And Hatijah’s voice filled the conference room.
In an exasperated tone, the 57-year-old Malaysian woman based in Saudi Arabia said the club purposely did not sell the book to non-members because the public would not be able to comprehend it.
In other words, you and I are practising “kindergarten-level sex” as compared with “PhD-level sex”.
And, quoting the Quran, Hatijah went deep into the theory of “spiritual sex”.
Here are some of Hatijah’s insights on sex.
> If your spirit is pure you can have sex with your wife even though you are abroad fighting a war.
> God allows sex sports. And to be good in sex you need practice.
> Orgasm releases a pain killer and helps with fever. But don’t have affairs on the pretext of curing your fever.
> Orgasm prevents wrinkles.
> Sex can make you younger. Jogging can be replaced by “sexcercise”.
> Only animals have sex without mukadimah (foreplay).
> It is important for a woman’s breasts to be sucked in order to prevent breast cancer (quoting a BBC news report).
During the Q&A session, I asked: “I’m curious, has the panel experienced simultaneous sex? Have you reached the PhD-level of sex?”
And – I’m not sure whether I imagined this – the panel members lowered their heads as if they felt sexually inadequate.
After a hush-hush discussion among themselves, Mohd Rasidi said: “So far, it is a knowledge that we are still trying to understand.
“We have not experienced it as our roh (spirit) has not reached PhD-level,” he explained.
“How about Hatijah?” I asked.
And Azlina, the dentist, said: “We have not experienced it yet. We are still trying. The person who has experienced it is Hatijah Aam. Hopefully one day, God willing, we can reach that level.”
Hatijah also revealed that she was writing a second sex guide book.
“The first book revealed 20% (sex knowledge). But the second book will reveal 100%. But we will make sure the public will not get their hands on this book about heaven on earth,” she added.
Anti-climax in ‘Seks Islam’ book
One Man’s Meat By PHILIP GOLINGAI
The Obedient Wives Club (OWC) controversial pocket-sized Malay-language sex guide sold exclusively to its members is more of a mother’s labour of love for her son who was getting married.
IF I got RM50 for every time someone asked me a copy of Seks Islam, I would be as rich as Alex Comfort, the author of The Joy of Sex.
On Oct 21, in Petaling Jaya, at a press conference organised by Obedient Wives Club (OWC), the author of Seks Islam, Perangi Yahudi Untuk Kembalikan Seks Islam Kepada Dunia (Islamic Sex, Fighting Jews to Return Islamic Sex to the World), Hatijah Aam (pic) gifted the book to journalists.
Speaking via Skype from Mecca in Saudi Arabia, Hatijah, the OWC founder, told the club members: “Please present the book now to the media representatives.”
“We don’t want to hide it. We want to be transparent.
“We want to show that we are not hiding our (sex) knowledge,” she said.
And the dozen or so journalists became proud owners of the controversial pocket-sized Malay-language sex guide sold exclusively to OWC members for RM50.
Instantly, When I – @philipgolingai – “live” tweeted that I had a copy, I received several requests for a copy.
In my office, almost everybody I met was excited over my owning THE book except for this one guy who got aroused for the wrong reason. He thought I had a copy of the Auditor-General’s Report.
It seems everyone I knew lusted for the knowledge on how to graduate from kindergarten-level sex to PhD-level sex.
Who wouldn’t want to read a book advocating “spiritual sex” (a man could “come” spiritually to all his wives simultaneously even though they’re in Ipoh, Kuala Lumpur, Singapore and Johor)?
And, by the day, the book is getting more notorious. Last week, the Sarawak government banned the distribution of Seks Islam in the state.
As my friends flipped through the book, their initial remarks were: “No picture ah?” or “No graphics ah? All words?”.
Sorry to disappoint, but the book isn’t the Comfort’s titillatingly illustrated Joy of Sex.
In fact, the 115-page booklet was a mother’s labour of love for her son who was getting married.
The preamble to Seks Islam – from its research – OWC found that what a woman sexually provided her husband was 10% of what his real sexual needs were.
“The wife thinks her 10% is 100%. She’s also dumb not to want to be taught about sex. She has a prejudiced perception that sex is obscene,” wrote Hatijah.
Chapter one explains why OWC was formed, chapter two talks about Hatijah’s husband, the late Al-Arqam founder Ashaari Muhammad, chapter three about giving 100% loyalty to your husband, chapter four is a guide for the future groom and chapter five is a letter to the bride.
Yawn. Yawn. Nothing that really makes me blush.
Hatijah also explained the difference between a man and a woman.
A man is held hostage by his desire. In order words, just like peeing, when a man has to go, he has to go.
A woman, however, can turn off and turn on her sexual desire as if it were a switch.
“If a wife loves her husband, she must instantly fulfil his sexual needs,” she advocated.
The climax of the book is in its conclusion.
Hatijah writes about her two-month training with Ashaari to become a heroic and angelic wife.
And she revealed her late husband could perform sex simultaneously with his wives, spiritually.
“Intimacy is much more pleasurable and ‘lighter’ through spiritual sex compared with physical sex,” she wrote.
Hatijah writes about seks seren-tak (simultaneous sex) but she does not reveal how to do it spiritually.
Perhaps, as she said in the press conference, what was taught in Seks Islam was just the tip of the iceberg (20%) of her sex knowledge.
So what has the book – as its title suggests – got to do with Jews?
From what I gather Jews have been propagating “extremely pornographic” illicit sex.
Am I missing something in life?
I’m not sure what I was expecting from the book. Techniques on how to please a Uranus chick with eight breasts?
For all its hype, reading the hyped book was an anti-climax.
A FRIEND, Syed Mohammed Idid, posted on his Facebook last week, “Cleaning house, doing laundry, clearing old stuff with kids … and you thought a CEO’s job was tough. Try becoming a home-maker!”
I could not resist making a comment on his wall, “I was a home-maker for some years which is why on the job, when I get to meet CEOs, I often smile when they say their work is tough.”
In my two stints as full-time househusband that stretched a total of six years, I gained much insight into the home environment that most of us simply take for granted.
At home, the working hours are 24/7, no question about that, especially when you have two young boys (and plenty of their friends, I must add) who clamour for your attention.
I had to be driver, tuition teacher, cook, swimming instructor, football coach, kite-flying maestro, story-teller, and a whole lot of other things besides. Neighbours also conveniently assumed that I could run errands, pay their bills, and fix up things as well. Which I was most happy to oblige, pro bono.
But, as I have mentioned in previous columns, my time away from career has been the most meaningful and treasured stints which money simply cannot buy.
My wife remarked that I must be getting quite tired of her these days, noting that we have been in a 24/7 situation with each other for nearly six months now.
My stint at home this time around is necessitated by a medical journey which is coming to an end but staying at home to rest and recuperate has made me realise that there are still so many things in the home environment that we take for granted.
Take the weather, for example. We have always subscribed to the principle of living simply, and an air-conditioner would be considered a luxury.
But 25 years after we set up home together, we finally caved in and installed an air-conditioner a few months back.
“Now you know what it is like to stay at home under such hot conditions,” the “home minister” remarked. I concede that most of us who work in air-conditioned comfort will never experience the stifling heat at home. Image via Wikipedia
It’s funny, but I am sure the weather was a little kinder in those years I was at home.
The other thing I upgraded during this period was my Internet speed. It was excruciatingly slow when compared to what I had in the office so I doubled it.
But beyond such matters, staying at home is not particularly advantageous in terms of benefits that we take as a matter of course when we are in the workforce.
For example, when my wife decided to improve her education status and do her masters, I had to take care of all the bills and yet was not able to make a claim on my tax returns. The taxman said only she could make the claim. But how could she do so, if she does not have an income?
I am sure many home-makers, especially the women who gave up their careers to jaga anak-anak, would appreciate being able to make claims for books, short-term courses, and even holidays, because they truly deserve it. And we are not even talking about medical expenses here.
Think about it. If they were at work, they would qualify for allowances and paid leave but once they are at home, these are taken away from them.
In my opinion, many of these issues will not be understood by the mainly-male policymakers that predominate both the public sector and Corporate Malaysia. Unless they become home-makers first.
I would like to suggest that all male CEOs take a six-month leave of absence and be CEOs of the home. I am confident that this will lead to many interesting special allowances in the next Budget speech and guaranteed to ensure that all home-makers will vote a certain way.
● Deputy executive editor Soo Ewe Jin has been on a long journey and is thankful that he can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. He looks forward to a normal office routine soon.
The hearings were beginning to pall. What had started as the trial of the media’s biggest mogul was settling into the siesta of the patriarch: Rupert Murdoch seemed to be talking in his sleep, while James Murdoch fanned away the MPs’ annoying questions, lest they disturb Dad.
Viewers longing for drama felt short-changed. None of the lawmakers had laid a glove on the media mogul. And then – splat! – the (slapstick) comedian Jonathan May-Bowles threw a “pie” of shaving foam at Murdoch Senior and unleashed the Tiger Wife.
In an instant, Wendi Deng, Murdoch’s Chinese-American spouse, leapt to her feet and sprang past bystanders to pummel her husband’s assailant. MPs, Murdochs and media types could only gape, electrified as proceedings fast-forwarded from Perry Mason to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
By the time Rupert Murdoch’s bodyguard had reached his master, the 42-year-old Wendi had landed a sensational right-hook on her opponent.
She then gained her husband’s side, and gently cleaned his face of foam. Within minutes, Deng was the toast of Twitter: hailed as a “smack-down sister” in her native China, and as a heroine and stunning show-stopper everywhere else.
Those who know Wendi well (and they include Tony Blair, Mark Zuckerman and Bono) won’t have batted an eyelid at her jaw-dropping performance. Rupert Murdoch’s third wife has form.
A volleyball player from southern China doesn’t climb to the top (Murdoch’s personal fortune remains a healthy $340 million) without fierce determination. Other people on Wendi’s ascent have already experienced her fury.
The first victim was Joyce Cherry, a pleasant American who, together with husband Jake, befriended Wendi during their trip to China. Impressed by the teenager’s brilliance and thirst for self-improvement, Joyce and Jake sponsored Wendi’s application for a student visa to America. Alas, 19-year-old Wendi soon bewitched Jake, who left poor old Joyce to marry their young protégée.
Victim number two was Jake himself: his usefulness came to an end a few months later when Wendi, now armed with the right papers, won a place to study business at Yale University.
Days from graduation, Wendi had a job at the Murdoch-owned Star TV, where she quickly caught the Big Boss’s eye. Hence the third corpse in the trail to marry Murdoch: Rupert’s second wife, Anna.
Within 17 days of his divorce, Wendi wed Rupert. If the Wendi house conceals a few skeletons, it also offers glimpses of her protective instincts.
Conscious of the 38-year gap between them, Wendi has placed Rupert on a tough regime of 6am weightlifting, washed down by a fruit and soy protein cocktail. She wags her finger at his workaholic schedule and has hired a personal trainer to put him through his paces (even at the price of her husband turning up on front pages in baseball cap and tracksuit).
None of this marital nurturing distracts Wendi from pursuing her own agenda: she has just released a film, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, that aims to promote a more positive image of China.
She enjoys a glittering social life, attending film premieres and art gallery openings. And she remains her husband’s chief adviser on his business in China.
Yet Wendi the film producer, like Wendi the business consultant or Wendi the mother of Rupert’s young daughters Chloe and Grace, has failed to fire our imagination. But Wendi Deng, invincible Tiger Wife, has transformed Rupert Murdoch’s image around the globe – from dodderer in the dock to prized partner in his wife’s life.
In a culture that mourns marriage as a moribund institution, one spouse leaping passionately to the other’s defence fills us with admiration. Even the most hardened cynics couldn’t help thinking, as the warrior in a pink blazer bounced into the ring: “Wow, she really believes in this union!”
Wendi Deng’s slap didn’t just scotch rumours that hers was a sham marriage: a purely trophy wife would have winked at the assailant for giving the old man a heart-stopping scare. With a quick right hook, she jumped to the head of the queue of the defenders of matrimony. It is a short but colourful roll-call that stretches from Cherie Blair, to Anne Sinclair (aka Mme Strauss Khan), Melania Trump and Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.
From the moment she moved into No 10, Cherie Blair was under constant attack for her (supposed) greed, stinginess, and self-importance. She let the criticisms bounce off her like spring rain. But let anyone touch her Tony, and Mrs Blair roared. She hissed at the ungrateful electorate that did not deserve a paragon of virtue like her husband; she gnashed her teeth at the sleazy media that insinuated Tony was a disappointment.
Her manner resembled the termagant’s fury rather than the bride’s solicitude, but no one could doubt Cherie’s heartfelt loyalty. It won her few fans: among the cheats and cuckolds of Westminster, the sight of a prime minister’s wife defending her husband was unusual; it also reassured voters that despite new Labour’s destruction of cherished institutions from the House of Lords to foxhunting, marriage would remain intact.
Far more testing has been Anne Sinclair’s lot. When her charismatic husband Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested on rape charges in New York, the French TV journalist sprang to his defence: “I do not believe for a single second the accusations levelled against my husband.” She flew to stand by her man and stumped up the $1 million bail to move him from prison to his plush Manhattan apartment.
Such wifely devotion may yet save the former IMF chief’s political career: his wife’s total support, as much as the derailing of the case against him, may prove a great boost to DSK’s credibility as a presidential candidate.
Her counterpart in the French presidential contest, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, also wants to show the world that she looks out for her husband’s interests. The First Lady of France, pregnant but still displaying every sign of focus and competitiveness, has imposed a culture vulture’s menu on her philistine hubby: he is to watch films by Alfred Hitchcock, as well as Russia’s Andrei Tarkovsky; and read the French classics, from Balzac to Hugo.
Driving this self-improvement, say insiders at the Elysée Palace, is Carla’s ambition: she wants her man to be re-elected, and fears his present lowbrow image won’t do.
Nor should we forget Melania Trump, fearlessly vocal in her millionaire husband’s defence: Donald Trump is “brilliant”, everyone is envious of his success, and America should be so lucky to have him as their Republican Party candidate.
But Mrs T also gives us a revealing insight into their marriage when she confides that she has two children: “I have a big boy, Donald, and a little boy, Barron. I take care of both very well.” Tiger Wife often needs to play Tiger Mother, it would seem.
The Tiger Wives’ Club is small but perfectly informed: these women know that their husbands need their commitment and support. In her eagerness to make her man shine, the Tiger Wife will disarm any assailant. She knows that her spouse is less than he seems; and that she, in fact, is rather more. She’s plucky; he’s lucky.
Lost direction? Many companies controlled by Chinese families experience succession problems as the leaders age but their children are not yet ready to take over the business. The fact that most Chinese families have just one child means tough decisions will have to be made when entrepreneurs consider retirement and succession. Hong Ye / for China Daily
Lenovo Group Ltd may not want to disclose its succession plans but at least it has one. There’s a good reason for the secrecy: Revealing who is going to replace whom puts the group at a disadvantage because it will encourage competitors to recruit its best people.
If history is an indicator, power or ownership transition is always difficult and most of the time, it will hurt.
“Chairman Liu (Chuanzhi) and CEO Yang (Yuanqing) realized that Chinese companies struggle with succession planning. The cornerstone for us is creating the next generation of leaders. The board worries about it,” Kenneth DiPietro, senior vice-president of human resources at Lenovo, told China Daily.
Lenovo’s board of directors, Yang and DiPietro discuss key moves within the organization once every year.
“We even create scenarios of possibilities such as ‘what if we move this person to another department, what will happen?’ or ‘if this person is put here, what sort of results can we expect to see?’ This helps us to build up the skills and capacity of certain people,” he said.
The process, which was adopted four years ago, speaks volumes, especially when Lenovo is up against other Chinese mainland companies in terms of corporate governance.
Most Chinese chief executive officers and founders are young, the majority of them being in their 40s or 50s. Starting succession planning now doesn’t carry as much importance as pursuing bigger profits and expanding into new markets.
The limitation of companies is not access to talent, DiPietro said. “The question is also not always about funding for mergers and acquisitions. As we move into new markets and new technology space, we ask ourselves: ‘How are we going to execute with depth?’.”
Now, 32 years after China’s economic reform, the country’s private sector, especially companies that have become globally competitive, will soon face the question of how to hand over to the next generation.
Liu Chuanzhi, Lenovo’s chairman, is 67, and so is Ren Zhengfei, founder and president of telecom solutions provider Huawei Group. Zhang Ruimin, founder, chairman and CEO of Haier Group, a consumer electronics producer, is 62. Zong Qinghou, founder, chairman and CEO of Hangzhou Wahaha Group, a beverage maker, is 66.
Referring to succession planning in corporate China, Liu Shengjun, a professor from China Europe International Business School, said: “Usually they don’t have a plan or they don’t think it’s necessary to have a plan. If they have a plan, it’s usually poorly hatched.”
He said the challenges that corporate China will face or is already facing are that founders are getting old, companies are getting too big to manage and companies are going global.
“Professionals are needed. Leaders with global vision are needed. But Chinese CEOs prefer to work life-long like Li Ka-shing. What they need are assistants rather than successors,” he said.
When the 82-year-old Li was suddenly hospitalized in 2006, shares in his listed companies immediately sank.
In a joint study conducted on 250 companies controlled by Chinese families in Hong Kong, Taiwan and Singapore, Joseph Fan, a professor at the Chinese University of Hong Kong found that successions tended to go along with major declines in the stock value of these listed companies.
“If you hold shares valued at 100 yuan ($15) five years before the succession, the value will drop to 40 yuan by the time the company announces a succession,” he said.
“It’s a very challenging task. Most Asian companies have not done well. Those that have done well took 15 years to plan a succession,” Fan said.
More than planning, succession requires founders to look deep at their lives and families too. “How many times they return home to eat, how many mistresses and children out of wedlock they have all these matter,” he said.
Even if succession is well planned, the ferocity of the business environment in China posed extra challenges to companies, he said.
A change in local government officials, unforeseen recession or macroeconomic changes, or starting the succession in a hostile business environment can find companies unable to turn against the tide.
When Party member Lou Zhongfu first built Dongyang-based Zhejiang Guangsha Co Ltd in the 1970s into the multi-industry group it is today, he had the foresight to show his two sons the ropes in the hope that they could take over from him when he retires.
However, the listed Zhejiang Guangsha Co Ltd performed poorly over the years, which were predominantly affected by uncontrollable events. When the Dongyang local government changed hands in 2001, 2005 and 2007, even the well-connected Lou had to rebuild ‘guanxi’ several times over while watching the company’s debt rise due to various outstanding infrastructure projects.
Since 1993, Guangsha Group has invested 400 million yuan in the construction of infrastructure such as Dongyang Children’s Park, Xishan Park, Guangsha Baiyun Culture City and Tiandu City Huanle All Season Park.
The listed company performed poorly in the stock market over the years and reported losses of 177 million yuan in 2005 and 272 million yuan in 2006. In the same year, the company found itself embroiled in credit scandals over defaults involving large loans.
In 2010, the listed Zhejiang Guangsa started to install a new set of board members and is expecting to turn the corner, backed by an experienced team.
Fan expects fights for control of Chinese mainland companies to be more severe than their other Asian counterparts due to a vacuum in values in current Chinese society.
“We used to say family businesses tend to survive up to the third generation. With poor family governance, businesses in China can only last one generation,” he predicted.
He predicts that most of the Chinese entrepreneurs may sell their businesses before retirement and transfer their capital out of the country.
“It’s very unfortunate if this were to happen. You can sell assets but not brains. Intellect could not be passed down to the next generation,” he said.
In addition, the one child in most Chinese families mean that it will be tough going for entrepreneurs to pass on to family members.
It’s understandable that most founders of businesses in Asia and Europe desire to keep them within their families and partly also because of fear of betrayal.
The boardroom battle for control of Gome Electronics is a perfect example of an outsider hired as a professional to run the business who tried to seize control from founder Huang Guangyu, Fan said.
It’s not surprising that most founders of companies believe that blood runs thicker than water.
Huawei’s President Ren Zhengfei had almost similar experiences too. He promoted Li Yinan, a bright young executive, to be his second in command and potential successor. However, Li left Huawei in 2000 to start a rival company, which was later bought by Huawei in 2006.
For the first time, Huawei began disclosing biographies of its board directors in the group’s 2010 annual report in order to be more transparent and “adopt a market-oriented corporate governance structure as part of its growth strategy”.
While companies can outlive their founders, founders cannot live for centuries.
A Chinese manned submersible sets sail Sunday for the Mariana Trench in the western pacific. In a few days, it will dive 7,000 meters, hopefully setting a new record for deep-sea dives.
Get this: The GoGetter — Land & Water puzzle will be yours if you come up with the best story on ‘Games/puzzles my kids love to play’ for June.
Breaking free: The chains on the girl’s leg being removed at the house in Jalan Raja Uda. — GARY CHEN / The Star
Embroiled in controversy: The sex guide which was published by OWC.
Lenovo Group Ltd may not want to disclose its succession plans but at least it has one. There’s a good reason for the secrecy: Revealing who is going to replace whom puts the group at a disadvantage because it will encourage competitors to recruit its best people.
