We CAN complain and gripe

Why Not By Wong Sai Wan

Making noise or raising a stink is fast becoming a national trait as we Malaysians gripe about everything and anything.

EVER heard the story of the Singaporean who wanted to migrate to Malaysia, causing the republic to order an immediate inquiry to find out why?

Inquiry chairman: “Tell us Mr Michael, you are migrating to Johor Baru because your Malaysian wife is unhappy living in Singapore?”

Michael: “No. She got nothing to complain about.”

Inquiry chairman: “Then, is it because you were overlooked for a double promotion in your job, and you only got a S$1,000 (RM2,400) pay rise?”

Michael: “No. I got nothing to complain about.”

Inquiry chairman: “So, Mr Michael, it must be because your son was refused entry into NUS, and only got a place at Nanyang?”

Michael: “No. He has got nothing to complain about.”

Inquiry chairman: “Then, for heaven’s sake, tell us why are you migrating to JB?”

Michael: “Because there I CAN complain.”

A Singaporean friend told me this joke five years ago, just before our last general election. This friend, who is very knowledgeable about the situation here, used this tale to take a dig at his own country, and ours as well.

His point was that while in his home country his countrymen were rather subservient and did not complain much in public, Malaysians had no such problem. Grumbling and griping seem to have become a national sport.

If we were to consciously listen to anyone standing or sitting next to us, we will see my friend is not far from wrong.

We Malaysians love to complain about anything; be it food, the Government, bosses, colleagues or even our neighbour’s choice of colour for the new coat of paint for his house.

Nothing is above criticism in Malaysia. These criticisms are not the kinds made on the quiet, but rather openly and sometimes rather loudly.

You know, the coffee shop type where you have to raise your voice because you can hardly hear yourself?

But in the case of us Malaysians, we complain at the top of our voice because we are afraid no one will hear, or we want to make sure everyone knows what we are complaining about.

A colleague said the complaining culture had gotten so bad that it had become griping, which dictionaries define as “to complain naggingly”.

“This is a sort of graduation for us Malaysians – from surat layang (poison pen letters) to publicly complaining about something,” this seasoned journalist said.

An example is griping over trivial things like lack of parking space in over-packed malls.

It beats me why a person would queue for over an hour to get into the parking area and then complain about the lack of parking, when it was obvious from the start that it was packed.

Then there are the infamous Malaysian drivers who complain about everyone else’s driving but their own.

They complain about how others drive too fast, and also about how others drive at a snail’s pace.

There are those who complain about everything and anything connected with their boss – from his choice of office furniture to his choice of ties.

When their verbal complaints do not evoke the desired results, Malaysians will turn to social media like Twitter and Facebook to express their angry thoughts to the whole world.

They do not seem to care if what they utter or write is rude, unethical or downright defamatory.

They seem to think that anything they write on the Internet is above the law.

When the gripes reach the notice of their bosses or the authorities, these people will turn around and say they have the right to express their opinion, but the bosses have no right to legal redress.

I feel that many Malaysians think their mistaken newfound political clout after 2008 gives them the right to say anything they want, without regard for the consequences.

Yes, our Federal Constitution guarantees us freedom of speech but it does not give us the right to run down another person or institution by hounding it with trivial complaints just to exact revenge over some perceived past injury.

Of course, our politicians seem to encourage this kind of behaviour because they see political gains in riding on such waves of dissatisfaction.

They do not seem to realise that their action of encouraging such a mentality only creates distrust, and eventually hatred.

I am not saying that the people have no right to voice their complaints, especially on matters affecting their lives or well-being.

We must voice out our views when it’s needed, but we must get our perspectives right.

We must know the difference between a gripe and a grievance; what’s important and what’s trivial.

If we do not, then our genuine complaints will sound exactly like gripes and the important message that we want to make will be lost, drowned out by the moans and groans.

Being a nation of complainers is not a reflection of the freedom that we enjoy but rather a reflection of ourselves as wimps who can do nothing but just gripe.

> Executive editor Wong Sai Wan doesn’t like nagging but enjoys the sound of an intelligent argument.

‘I do’ is not forever

Putik Lada By Chong Kien Mun

I Do (But I Don’t) (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)

The present Generation Y has been immersed in a culture of instant gratification, escapism, and self-centred inflexibility. Couples nowadays do not hesitate to take the plunge into marriage – or out of it.

A COUPLE of years ago, when I first started practising law, I was approached by a soon-to-be-married young couple, who wanted me to prepare a prenuptial agreement for them.

Despite my explanation that prenuptial agreements arguably have no legal effect in Malaysia, they were adamant.

Obviously, some valuable assets were at stake. A sense of numbness enveloped my heart and soul. (Hey, lawyers are mortal humans with emotions, too!)

I could not recall the previous time I actually felt that way. I was filled with a sense of disappointment, of great sympathy. Not for the young couple, but for the sacred institution of marriage.

A couple of weeks ago, amid the scorching Malaysian sun and the beautiful full moon, Valentine’s Day came and went. The roses have now dried, and died.

One wonders whether the couples are still able to wake up to smell love in the air. Or, has real love and genuine affection also died? Perhaps not an overnight death, but a gradual and painful one? And is that a death that should be mourned or celebrated?

It has been said that the longest distance known to man is not the distance between birth and death. Nor is it the distance between the North and the South.

The longest distance imaginable is actually when that person is standing right in front of you, but somehow cannot muster the courage or the opportunity to say that he loves you, and so you don’t even know it.

To those who have been lucky enough to close that distance, it is usually the result of some persistence.

It may sometimes take months or even years for a man to grab that special girl’s hand, and hold it gently but tightly on their wedding day, with primary promises of being a loving husband, and a good father.

However, statistics have shown that, as the years go by, couples evolve from walking hand in hand on their wedding day to walking down the corridors of exile, hands folded or in their pockets.

Here is a riddle for you: “What starts with ‘I Do’ and also ends with ‘I Do’?” Got it? No? It is marriage, which starts with an “I Do” to marry someone, and an “I Do” to divorce that same someone.

The present generation – Generation Y – has been immersed in a culture of instant gratification, escapism, and self-centred inflexibility.

“My way or the highway” is a common statement. Surfing on concurrent waves of escapism, scepticism and pessimism, couples nowadays do not hesitate to take the plunge into marriage – and out of it.

An “I Do” to try it out, and an “I Do” when it does not work out as imagined. It ends just as it began, with the simple “I Do”, which used to be a sacred phrase but is now used flippantly.

There is a fine line between love and hate, for both are forms of interchangeable extremism. Lovers may turn into haters, and vice versa.

As the divorce decree is pronounced, the sourness of love and hate becomes a poison in the respective memories of the individuals involved, which time will seek to erase.

It is difficult to reverse the chain of events once a married couple make arguments and conflict a habit.

Sometimes, conflict becomes such a habit that the couple do not even know what they are fighting about any more.

It gets to the stage where they cannot remember why they accepted each other to begin with, when they had a love to believe in as the foundation of all things beautiful – or so they believed.

At the very least, they used to have a love that they could work on. They see divorce as the only cure.

Sometimes, taking the easy way out is a form of escapism. Form turns into habit and habit evolves into attitude.

An attitude of love is vouchable, while an attitude of escapism only breeds more problems and issues as one escapes from one black hole to a bigger one as the main issues with oneself remain unresolved, unmitigated, and ultimately aggravated.

The alarming divorce rates we see today will inevitably have a domino effect. A Pandora’s box has been opened.

The increasing numbers of single parents bringing up children of broken marriages will potentially lead to the further erosion of the fabric of love and family.

Statistics show that child abusers or molesters usually have had traumatic childhood histories as victims of the offences that they have gone on to perpetrate.

It is not much of a stretch to imagine that children of broken marriages have a higher risk of growing up to break their own marriages.

Back to the young couple that started me on this contemplation about marriage, I told them flatly: “Sorry to be so direct, but the very fact that the thought of such agreements even crossed your mind indicates disturbing elements of doubt and distrust, both essential ingredients of a lasting union. The marriage, if pursued, may not be a lasting one, and I hope to be proven wrong.”

The door was slammed close then. Fast forward a couple of years, and the door was re-opened, the same couple walked in again, asking for a divorce.

Perhaps George Orwell was right after all when he said: “Happiness can exist only in acceptance” or “Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.”

> The writer is a young lawyer. Putik Lada, or pepper buds in Malay, captures the spirit and intention of this column – a platform for young lawyers to articulate their views and aspirations about the law, justice and a civil society. For more information about the young lawyers, visit www.malaysianbar.org.my.

Born on Penang Bridge Leapling Baby

Leapling baby born on Penang Bridge

Image via Wikipedia

 By ZALINAH NOORDIN zalinah@thestar.com.my

GEORGE TOWN: This Leap Year has turned out to be a most special one for a young couple from the mainland.

The wife gave birth to a baby girl in a car while travelling on the Penang Bridge.

The mother was being rushed by the father to the Adventist Hospital here at about 6.30pm when her contractions became stronger and before the couple could react, the baby had popped out.

Earlier, she had labour pains at their home on the mainland.

The couple decided to drive over to the island despite knowing that they could be heading into the after-office hours jam here.

Grimacing in pain and sensing that the baby was about to be born, the wife pleaded with the husband to step on the pedal, hoping that they could reach the hospital in time.

But, before the couple knew it, the baby had emerged safely into the arms of the excited mother.

The husband then drove straight to the hospital located about 15km away from the bridge

A hospital spokesperson who confirmed the case, said that the baby was rushed to the maternity ward for immediate attention and follow-up care.

It was a triple joy for the couple as the child was born in the Year of the Dragon, on a Leap Day and on the iconic Penang Bridge, the spokesperson said.

It is learnt that the overjoyed husband told the hospital staff that he intended to throw a big birthday party every four years for his daughter, whom he regards as having brought blessings to the family due to the unique circumstances of her birth.

Happy family: Yeap and Wong with their leapling baby and older daughter Ying Swenz.

GEORGE TOWN: Businessman Yeap Ee Sin stepped on the accelerator, racing to bring his pregnant wife to the Adventist Hospital on the island as her contractions became stronger.

But his daughter was eager to make her debut on Feb 29, the leap day in the Year of the Dragon, so she “arrived” inside daddy’s car right in the middle of Penang Bridge.

The hospital was still another 15km away.

“I really didn’t expect it. She was supposed to be due on March 8,” said Yeap, 26.

“While I was speeding through the bridge, I said a silent prayer for my baby to wait until we got to the hospital.

“But before we could even reach the island, my wife gave out a loud scream and out came the baby’s head. The next thing I knew, she was cradling the baby in her arms.

“I guess she just couldn’t wait,” said the proud father.

The newborn, who has yet to be named, weighed 2.9kg.

Yeap sped to reach the hospital as the baby’s umbilical cord was still intact.

“I was worried that there would be traffic congestion since it was peak hour (at about 6pm) then but thank God it wasn’t that bad as I was going to Penang Island from the mainland.

“Imagine if I was coming from the other way?” he quipped.

Yeap said his wife Wong Sok Sim, 26, had earlier been experiencing heavy contractions and he immediately rushed home from work and took her to the hospital.

“Both mother and daughter are safe,” he said.

An overjoyed Yeap told the hospital staff that he would throw a big birthday party every four years for his daughter, whom he felt was a blessing to the family due to the unique circumstances of her birth.

The couple have an elder daughter aged 16 months.